“Let us look again at the lives we have been so generously given and let us let fall away the useless baggage that we carry — old pains, old habits, old ways of seeing and feeling — and let us have the courage to begin again. Life is very short, and we are no sooner here than it is time to depart again, and we should use to the full the time that we still have.” These lines from the book Walking in Wonder by one of my favorite authors, John O ‘Donohue* have stuck with me the past few weeks. Have the courage to begin again, make a new start…I think that we often save those words for big life events – changing jobs, moving to a new home or town, ending or changing a relationship, but with the help of these words I have realized that we can begin again throughout each day moment by moment.
I was at the grocery store last week, hurrying to get it all done on my lunch break. I came out with my essentials and there was a woman with a buggy load of groceries beside my car. She had her cart behind my car and to be honest, my first thought was, “this is not working lady – you are blocking my quick exit.” Then thankfully, I decided to begin again. I really looked at her. She was older, very heavy and leaning on a walking stick – one of those metal canes with feet. Her buggy was heaped to overflowing and I decided to begin again – again. “Can I load your groceries for you Ma’am?” She looked at me and with both surprise and relief – then answered, “Yes, that would be so helpful. I usually have someone with me, but not today”. I laughed and said, “Well now you do!” I started with a huge box piled high of every grocery item imaginable, The bottom promptly fell out of the overstressed box and a commodities kerfuffle commenced as everything in the box was now all over her back seat and rear floor board. I was relieved that didn’t happen to her. I grabbed some extra bags from my car as she protested, “oh don’t worry about it”, and bagged up the recalcitrant produce, canned goods, and a lemon drizzle cake which I confess I coveted. When I reached into the backseat of my little Honda Fit for the bags, she said, “What in the world do you have in there!?” I have the back seats folded up to keep handy a bin with my bike helmet, climbing shoes, life jacket and other sporty girl equipment. I told her, “I like to camp so you never know what I will have in there! I like to be prepared.” She laughed and shook her head in wonder. It took me less than 15 minutes to get her unloaded, organized, and her cart returned. I asked her,” How will you get these out at home?” She said, ” Oh honey, I have someone there waiting, they will do it all. Thank you so much, you be real careful and have lots of fun next time you go camping.” We parted friends and I got in my car and couldn’t remember why I thought I had to rush so.
I live alone and have literally spent the last year mostly solitary. I worked from home entirely until March when I started back to the office two days a week and am still at home three days a week. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to hurry to, but still I often miss the people I do have the opportunity to connect with. I keep having to be reminded, stop and begin again. I keep snack bars, cookies, and water in my car to give to people on the street. I have had the same bag for months now because I haven’t been into Knoxville or Nashville where I usually give them away. I had an interview at a local TV station, the first time live in almost a year so I headed into Knoxville. I got to the exit off the interstate and sighed as I got caught by the light. I noticed a scruffy man on my side with a sign asking for help. I remembered my bag and grabbed a box of Stroopwaffles I had gotten during Christmas at Aldi – if you know not what they are you are missing out! I rolled down my window and asked, ” Would you like some cookies? They are really good!” He smiled a mainly toothless grin and said, “Sure! thanks – tell me about your front plate, are you from Alaska, what part?”
I have an old Alaska license plate on the front of my car – my version of a vanity plate. I got it in a junk shop in Fairbanks in 2014 when I went with four friends from Germany to canoe the Yukon River. It is a great conversation starter and I hope it is a talisman leading me back there someday.
I told him it had been a while and that I had started in Fairbanks and went to canoe the Yukon. His face lit up and he said he lived there for a while too! I asked what he did and he said he was in the military. He said he had been to every state except North Dakota and Michigan and how much he liked seeing new places. We exchanged names and as the light changed he said, “Thank you Michelle! maybe I’ll see you in Alaska someday!” This interaction all took place in under two minutes I think more than thanking me for the cookies he appreciated being seen and he saw me too, he was the one that offered ‘tell me about yourself.” He was not an anonymous street person but Nick that had worked in Alaska and loved adventure, we actually have a lot in common.
Nature teaches this new beginning every year. I have spent every bit of time I could the past month outside watching the daily change as the trees awaken and the earth erupts with new life. It never fails to amaze me that a forest that looks brown and lifeless one week can be green and bursting with life with just a few warm days. I have a huge maple tree in my front yard that I love and literally hug a few times a week. It is showing signs of decline and two years ago did not leaf out until the end of April. I was so worried I had lost this wonderous being that shades my house all summer. This year she started showing new leaf the first week in April and I smiled with relief. Every year I hold my breath a bit waiting… for the new life to begin…again. It always does.
We are starting to see light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel. This disease has changed us and for some of us means we have to go forward without the people dearest to us. We are all beginning again in some way. Wherever you are today, as you start this new week, new day, new hour, or even the new minute -pause and let your next step be inspired by these beautiful words from John O’ Donohue.
“Let us look again at the lives we have been so generously given and let us let fall away the useless baggage that we carry — old pains, old habits, old ways of seeing and feeling — and let us have the courage to begin again. Life is very short, and we are no sooner here than it is time to depart again, and we should use to the full the time that we still have.” Walking In Wonder by John O’ Donohue
*Learn more about John O’Donohue here https://onbeing.org/programs/john-odonohue-the-inner-landscape-of-beauty-aug2017/
©Michelle Campanis April 2021
One is NOT Only 