My childhood best friend, Blake, called me today and I knew immediately what the news would be. His mother, Anne Neyland, had said her final farewell. The Neylands lived across the street from us and we went to church together. Mr. Neyland, Bob, was my dad’s best friend. Blake, my first best friend and his older brother Reese were my “brothers”. Anne was much more than a friend. She was a mother to me and my sister when our own mother was unable to be one. She married into a famous football family and had a two sons – she lived in a house full of men. My sister and I were her girls. But we are not unique in that. Anne had a heart big enough to take in any that needed some mothering. When Reese and Blake married, she was thrilled to have Mary Kay and Leigh Anne as her daughters. She adored all her grandchildren but was especially thrilled when her great granddaughter , Cora, was born and she got another girl.
I know many are feeling like I am today – that we have a hole in our heart that had been filled by the light, love and laughter that is Anne and she now leaves that place tender with her passing. I was trying to explain to my friend Eleanore what I was feeling – what exactly that hole was caused by. Eleanore said to me, “People who have known us so long are a comfort – so much does not need to be explained when someone knows your history. She was your anchor”. That expressed it perfectly. When my young world became very shaky, Anne was an anchor that did not change. She has remained that for me my whole life.
Anne was a woman both of her time and ahead of her time. She was concerned that with my mother’s early illness I was not learning the things a woman needed to know. She paid me to come across the street to do chores. She had me dust, polish silver and taught me the proper way to iron a shirt. She made herself available if I had the need to talk. Anne also had something I didn’t see modeled that often in my mid 60’s world – a career. She was a teacher devoted to her students. When she was taking a biology class for her master’s thesis in education she would take me out late at night with a flashlight out to the woods to check her traps – collecting raccoons, possums and other critters to study their skulls. She said she didn’t think it was a good idea to be out there alone in the dark so she chose me – a 15 year old girl to tag along. “Together you and I can take care of anything that might come up!” This was very empowering to me! I credit Anne with how comfortable I am now camping and hiking alone. She taught me I was capable. She instilled confidence in me.
Anne never waivered in her faith and determination when she and Bob lost their home in the 2010 Nashville flood. She expressed gratitude for even the smallest help. Anne was always finding ways to lift you up. When I called my older sister, Denise, with the news we both expressed the same thought, ” I can’t imagine who I would be without Anne.”
Anne taught middle school in our county for many years. I will never forget an incident when I was 11 or 12 at one of Reese’s high school basketball games that showed me her impact on her students. Reese was a basketball star and my dad took me to all his games. I was with Anne at the concession stand and we heard a garbled voice saying, “Mrs. Ney…Mrs.Neyland!!” We turned around and there was a very disfigured young woman in a wheel chair. Anne immediately went over and hugged her and they talked for several minutes. Anne was totally attentive to this young woman as she struggled to get her words out. She lit up with happiness at seeing her former teacher, Mrs. Neyland. Afterward, Anne told me that yes, she was a former student. “she was just a beautiful beautiful girl in every way. It was the beautiful cheerleader homecoming queen marries football star story”. There was a horrific car accident and the girl was left disfigured and paralyzed. It was more than the young man could face then and they had divorced. Anne had stayed in touch with this girl. This dear girl clearly knew Anne saw with her heart and still saw that the girl she had once been was still there. Anne has given so many of us that gift of helping us see who we really are and can be-she recognized our best self even when we didn’t.
I had wonderful visit with Anne and Bob before I moved from Nashville. She asked me if I would run some errands for her and then come over and help her fix a problem with her email. I picked up her shoes and then we worked on her email issue. Anne was by this time legally blind. This did not stop her from using a computer. She had the biggest magnifying glass I have ever seen that she whipped out and we solved the issue. This was at age 87! She was not giving in if she could find a solution. She continued to share emails with me with pictures of great-granddaughter Cora and other family members.
Later during that visit, Bob and I went and got food for dinner. We sat and had a lovely meal together. I told them I really did not know “their story”. Bob got a twinkle in his eye talking about visiting Anne when he was still a student at UT and she was doing her student teaching in Oak Ridge. I spent alot of time in Oak Ridge he smiled remembering fondly. They got out some scrap books with pictures from their college days and wedding. Anne – JoAnne Webb, was a vivacious beauty. Bob was a shy handsome athlete – the son of a legendary football coach at UT, General Robert R. Neyland. Anne had grown up in a small farming community in West Tennessee. They decided to have a small wedding at her home. She talked about how nervous she was having Bob’s mother who was very comfortable in “high society” and his famous father in her simple family home. The pictures were sweet and here they were still looking at each other fondly decades later. It was a wonderful visit. I thought later that there were many people that would have been happy to help Anne with her errands, but she asked me. She recognized I would need this time together so that I would have this very special memory that has eased her passing and brings me much comfort. She told me she was more than ready to go when the time came.
The Neylands moved to our town when I was three years old. They have been family friends now for well over 50 years. When I decided to take a huge leap of faith and move back to East Tennessee for a new job at the University of Tennessee Arboretum a little over two years ago, Anne encouraged me not to be afraid to try. She said, ” I will miss you. Even though we may not see each other all the time I feel better knowing you are here.” That is how I feel now. I always felt safe knowing Anne was still here for me.
Blake, Leigh Anne, Reese, Mary Kay, and Bob – we were blessed to share a smaller portion of the love and faith that you had in such abundance. I have been blessed to know Anne for over fifty five years, but I know that it is not just time that has made this relationship so special. It was Anne’s heart. There are many people who have only known her a short amount of time that deeply feel her loss as well. Our hearts will remain larger for carrying Anne in it. I bid farewell to my beloved friend and hero – and we all celebrate a life that brightly shined her light of compassion, humor, courage and inspiration on so many. Blessed be.
THE SWAN-Rainer Maria Rilke
This laboring of ours with all that remains undone,
as if still bound to it,
is like the lumbering gait of the swan.
And then our dying—releasing ourselves
from the very ground on which we stood—
is like the way he hesitantly lowers himself
into the water. It gently receives him,
and, gladly yielding, flows back beneath him,
as wave follows wave,
while he, now wholly serene and sure,
with regal composure,
allows himself to glide farther and farther on.
(From-A YEAR WITH RILKE by Joanna Macy)
One is NOT Only 