I have been going to a story telling event the past few months in Nashville called Tenx9. Nine ordinary people get 10 minutes to go on stage and tell a true story from their life. The main guidelines are that it has to be true and it happened to them. I have even told 2 myself! I never pictured myself actually on stage. I always had plenty of nerve-just not plenty of talent! This has been a wonderful experience. Some people are creative storytellers and a treat to listen to and some are just so awkward that it is painful to get through the 10 minutes. One thing I have really noticed though is how supportive and kind the audience is to every single story teller. It has made me realize that every single person has a story and that story really matters. One event can be the story that shapes an entire life.  We tell our self stories every day. What story are you telling yourself as you go through your days?

I found myself being grumpy last week and decided to start telling myself a new story as I go through the day with the theme of “everything works out for me”or “I will have what I need when I need it” even if I don’t see how. The how how how???- is when I go veering off track. I was listening to an inspirational speaker on my way to work and she gave the analogy of  “do you want all the food you are going to eat in your entire life given at one time in a big huge pile so you can see it is there or do you want to have it come to you as you need it?”  This was an ah ha moment for me! It made me realize how much anxiety I cause myself by not trusting a way will be provided for any need I have. What a relief that the Divine set it up this way. I used to sit in Sunday school as a child and really think God was harsh and unfair with the Israelites when they did not follow the instruction to  only gather enough manna for each day (Exodus chapter 16 for those of  you who did not spend a good portion of your childhood on a pew). Wasn’t gathering a little extra manna just being prepared-apparently not -maggots galore was the result-ICK. If that isn’t exactly how anxiety feels-maggots running amok in your what if tank?? It took me 50 years, but when the speaker gave that analogy of the big pile of food at birth, I finally understood what the Divine was trying to teach the wanderers in the wilderness.

I have been going to a Sunday class at St. Augustine’s Chapel on the Enneagram taught by Ian Cron  one of the authors of the the book THE ROAD BACK TO YOU: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery.  The Enneagram is an ancient modality of explaining personality through nine interconnected personality types with each being given a number. It is very interesting and has helped me understand why two people can experience the same situation  so differently. I am still trying to figure out my number. One clue  may be that the idea of letting myself be “typed” makes me totally crazy, as “I won’t be conforming to your nifty number system”, but the more I read the more I see do myself in personality number 2.

I now understand why some people see a challenge and say woo-hoo let me at it and others see the same challenge and collapse on their couch. The book helped me not place judgement on either person. We really do see life through different lenses.  Noticing the story I tell myself through the day has helped me realize I have a choice.  It is easy to let a story define us rather than choosing a response that improves our life.

Tara Brach in her book, Radical Acceptance, relays the story of Mohini the tiger.

“Mohini was a regal white tiger who lived for many years at the Washington D.C. National Zoo. For most of those years her home was in the old lion house—a typical twelve-by-twelve-foot cage with iron bars and a cement floor. Mohini spent her days pacing restlessly back and forth in her cramped quarters. Eventually, biologists and staff worked together to create a natural habitat for her. Covering several acres, it had hills, trees, a pond and a variety of vegetation. With excitement and anticipation they released Mohini into her new and expansive environment. But it was too late. The tiger immediately sought refuge in a corner of the compound, where she lived for the remainder of her life. Mohini paced and paced in that corner until an area twelve by twelve feet was worn bare of grass. Perhaps the biggest tragedy in our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns.”

The way we view others is another type of story we tell our self. One experience that had a huge impact on me was when my daughter, Lindsay, was a year old and we were traveling to Greece with her to visit relatives. We had gone with friends to a church service where I really did not understand anything. It was in Greek and very different type of service than I had been raised in. I was standing  outside afterwards with some of the women and a shabbily dressed looking woman came up to me and started reached and pulling at Lindsay in my arms. My story was that she was dangerous-why was she grabbing at my baby?? I pulled back and the expression on my face did not need translating. One of the other women touched my arm and explained that they knew this women. She was an Albanian refugee. She had a baby the same age as my daughter that she and her husband had left behind because they had needed to hike across a mountain range and were afraid the baby would not survive. The woman was simply asking if she could hold my baby. The truth was so different than the story I had imagined. I  looked at the woman again- looked in her eyes this time, and saw we were just the same-two mothers who loved our daughters. I handed her Lindsay and we both cried as she held her close and sang Lindsay the song she must have sang her own baby. I wish I knew the end of that story…if that refugee mother ever got to see her daughter again.

Life has many variables-many that are out of our control, but it can be easy to be like poor sweet Mohini the Tiger and not recognize our choice in the story we tell and live.

This week I decided to do some little things that change the story I am telling myself. I am looking into the eyes of strangers I meet and really seeing them and smiling. I decided to start parking on the roof of the parking garage every day because at this time of year when it is time for me to leave the sun is setting. For most of the winter I parked down a couple of levels because I didn’t want to get rained on and then realized one day when I the only spot I could in the garage was on the roof how much I had been missing. That evening was one of the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen. I stood by my car for 15 minutes taking the whole show in.   Several days since then I have been treated to an amazing display of the Divine’s wonderful creativity as colors meld across the sky , the sun sets and the moon and the planet Juniper start shining in the sky.

One of my favorite songwriters is Mary Chapin Carpenter. In her song THE HARD WAY, she sums it up perfectly:

“…show a little inspiration, show a little spark
Show the world a little light when you show it your heart
We’ve got two lives, one we’re given and the other one we make”

 

©  Michelle Campanis 2017

 Header Photograph used by permission, Mary Glenn Williamson. See her amazing work at http://mgwpics.com/

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE, by Tara Brach, Ph.D. 2003

The Road Back to You: An Ennegram Journey to Self-Discovery, By Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile 2016

TenX9 Nashville Storytelling – https://tenx9nashville.com/