Sometimes you notice something in another person that makes you so angry or you think they are so ridiculous !!! -and then you realize the situation is really a huge mirror reflecting on your own life. My day started like that earlier this week.
I was going into my office in the basketball arena which has several sets of heavy double doors. A student was right beside me with a backpack slipping off his shoulder, his arms loaded with a huge painting and all manner of arts supplies. I said “let me get that door for you” and he said ” no, no I got it” and proceeded to shift his supplies-grip the handle with two fingers, push the door open with his knee, stumble through, trip , recover , re-shift the load and carry on. The girl beside me and I looked at each other and both burst out laughing and wondered why he thought he did not need help with the door??
I was continuing to laugh as I walked to my office and suddenly realized I am just like that overloaded student in so many ways – spiritually stumbling through life with my load thinking ” I got this” and the Divine is there wondering- why? why doesn’t she ask for help? why does she insist on doing it the hard way? doesn’t she notice that obvious solution?
I have been bit worried about myself the past couple of months. I have been an ocean of emotion and impatient with everyone including myself. I went to the library to check out a book on healing but ended up with one on prayer. Prayer has been hard for me for quite a while now so I figured it could not hurt. The author talked about how connecting with the Divine changes the way we approach every single situation in our day. Prayer allows us to see each other as souls not as just someone blocking my lane of traffic. She talked about how the little interactions we have each day with each other set things in motion that last forever. WOW… this got my attention and made me think about decisions I often make when left to my own devices. I get overwhelmed, irritated by strangers, and allow others to treat me badly . I began to understand how much I need prayer.
I saw this illustrated on my drive home that evening. I moved a few months ago and went from a 3 minute commute – if I hit the red light-to what should be a 15 minute drive but is almost always 30 minutes of drag race time trials. I had been having one of those weeks where I was likely to burst into tears at the smallest upset, pulled into traffic and the guy behind me thought I should have yielded-he was probably right – and laid on his horn for about 10 seconds all the way down the ramp until we merged…hoooonnnnnnkkkkk!!! A simple beep really would have conveyed the point. I burst into tears and cried most of the way home. Why do people have to be so MEAN! I thought about the lesson on prayer and how our actions impact others-I am sure the guy who laid on his horn never considered he might be the final straw that started a torrent of tears! My impatience to get home and pulling in front of him may have been just the last straw for him too. We really don’t know what other people are going through-we all need some grace instead of judgement from time to time.
My friend Ce Ce Big Crow’s son and his science lab partner did and experiment for a science fair a few years ago measuring the impact on land contaminated by uranium poisoning at Pine Ridge Lakota Reservation. The lab partner’s grandmother is a Lakota healer who has held sacred ceremonies in her home for years. Bobby and his lab partner believed that prayer could affect the land. They did a study documenting the levels of radiation in the soil and the closer they got to the grandmother’s ceremony house the lower the levels of radiation became. I am probably leaving out a lot of important steps of this experiment but I do believe that prayer changes things. I believe prayer can lower the radiation in the soil…but changing me??…I just haven’t seen it for a while. I have felt totally stuck. I thought back to the guy pushing the door open with his 2 fingers, knee and completing an amazing balancing act at the same time when he could have let me open the door and walk right through. I realize that is me going through my life without prayer when God is waiting there willing to give options.
I am reminded prayer is connecting to Divine power, not a wish list, not a task list, but connecting to the Divine. I decided to start very simply every morning. I am asking the Divine to guide every interaction with each person I interact with throughout the day-that the ripples those meetings start will provide just what each soul needs. Then I ask that I be willing to be amazed what the power of the Divine can do-not what I can do.
I want to think carefully about the souls I connect to as I wander through this life-open doors some days and some days be willing to let the door be opened for me. I had a gentle reminder today. I was carrying a load of flowers to my car and a workman in the parking lot said “hey can I help you with that” and of course the first words out of my mouth were
“thanks but I have it” . I laughed at myself and turned back and said ” actually some help would be great.”
The Summer Day by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-the one who the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down –
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver
© Michelle Campanis 2016
One is NOT Only 