One is NOT Only

We have all heard it – “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” –well that may be  true, but what about SPIDERS, bridges, being hurt, being vulnerable? Several people responded that they were struck by the line in my last post that fear is never a reliable counselor. We understand that intellectually but dealing with it on a daily basis is not quite so simple. What are you afraid of ? Take a minute and think of a couple of things that allow fear to take control of you. Fear can paralyze us or it can be a huge motivator for positive change.

My friend, Tiffany, showed me that fear can be a great teacher-if you choose to use your energy facing  the fear rather than spending that same energy running away. Sometimes fear is  logical and can be a motivator to make wise decisions -fear of bears can keep you safe when you are camping in Alaska! Fear may be telling you it is time to ask for help and make a plan. Other times our fear seems illogical- I am thousands of times bigger than the spider that had me standing on the couch and calling my son on his cell – but either way we need a plan so we are making our decisions based on what we choose to do, not by that flashing and clanging in our head that  triggers immediate system shut down. Fear is signal that something needs our attention.

Tiffany is one of those beautiful naturally very athletic women. One of the qualities I love about her is that she takes others  where they are with no judgement.  She shares what she loves with other women and helps them learn. Even though she has much more natural ability than I do she is great at remembering what it is like to be a beginner. We first got to know each other on a bus ride during a medical mission trip in Ecuador. We had slept beside each other on a concrete floor for 4 nights but barely said a word to each other. We both valued our sleep too much after 12 hour days working in a 95 degree clinic to be chatty. But on the bus ride leaving we started to talk and did not stop for 4 hours!   We covered work , love, would you ever get married again, what was I thinking when I did that?? and somehow it came up that I am afraid of heights. To this revelation Tiffany said, “you need to come climbing with me at Climb Nashville”, and for a reason that still bewilders me I said “Yes, that would be great”! It could have all ended there but the very next week Tiffany called me and another friend from the trip, Barb, and said ‘let’s climb Thursday!” and for some reason I again said “yes” ! I had taken my sons to the climbing gym many times as they were growing up for birthday parties, but it never occurred to me to go in. The fear of heights took control when I was painting houses one summer and needed to climb from the ladder onto the roof and  I totally FROZE.  I just could not make that small step from the ladder to the roof-couldn’t breathe , couldn’t move, just couldn’t!  Since that experience  over 30 years ago I had avoided anything involving heights.

So the next week, I met Tiffany and Barb at CLIMB NASHVILLE, signed the waiver notifying me of all the things that can happen to you when climbing ( hmmm, so my fears may be justified note to self), got some climbing shoes and a harness and tried not to think about the next step-actually climbing. I had a belay lesson and before I knew it  I was standing at the bottom of the rock wall looking up. Tiffany walked me through all the steps again as I attached to the rope and she hooked on to the belay device”buckle ,buckle, biner , biner- belay on, on belay, climbing – CLIMB ON! and one very important reminder “don’t forget to breathe!” So up I went verrry slowly grasping each hand hold tightly before I moved my foot. Before I knew it I was at the top! Then came the hardest part-letting go of the wall and being lowered back down the to the  ground. I was literally jumping up and down  shouting -“I climbed a wall!”  The sense of empowerment I felt was astounding. I was afraid- but I did it anyway! Barb and I have been climbing partners for three and a half years now. I have my own climbing shoes, harness,  and even my favorite climbing chalk(Zen Lizard X chalk)!

Climbing has been one of my best teachers for overcoming fear. I am so glad I did not let  fear rob me of something that has become one of my favorite things.  Some lessons for life I have learned from climbing:

• Look UP-focus on what is ahead! The climbing up is not the scary part. It is the getting to the top  then looking down and realizing how far up you are and that you have to let go and trust your partner to bring you down . So look up- keep your focus on where you want to go-not where you have been. This translates into a spiritual principle for my everyday life.
•  You can start again- some days I go in and am in the zone and everything is a breeze, the next week I try the same wall again and come swinging off in what was once described by the guy I almost knocked over as – spectacular fashion.  Just keep trying -I always feel better about myself when I climb-even when I don’t climb well because I am still doing something that used to scare me silly.
•  We all need support- I have a group now of about 8 friends that climb together- One benefit of being naturally clumsy is others think- if she can I can too-and it is true-YOU CAN! We all love when our friend, Bert, is on belay because he will pull the rope so secure you totally focus on the climb. When Bert is on belay I really believe I am going to make it up the wall. The most challenging climb I have ever completed,  a 5.11 bitch with tiny smooth hand holds and  a big over hang, came on a night after I had struggled mightily to get over the overhang only to swing off the wall twice at the same place. I was exhausted and said ” I just don’t have it tonight- bring me down” and my friend Anna who I had watched climb the route a few minutes earlier was now belaying me said, “Why don’t you give it one more shot-I really think you can do it” and I did it on the next try! I was so grateful Anna encouraged me  to keep trying because they changed the route that week and I would not have been able to try that climb again-the wall would have won that battle.
•  You never know who you are inspiring or who will inspire you. One night I was having what I considered a really bad night climbing. Struggle , slip, swing off, repeat about three times and finally get to the top. I went upstairs to wash up and two college age girls on the beginner walls stopped me and said, “ we were watching you and you totally rocked that climb! You are amazing –we want to be you”. I was totally stunned- what they had noticed was not how much I struggled but that I kept going. I wanted to hug them- in fact I think I did hug them-they totally changed my perspective.
• Fear can be persistent-you have to keep facing it.  When a co-worker heard I climbed he said, “wow, so you aren’t afraid of heights anymore?” and I had to truthfully say “No -I am still afraid, some days more than others but I do it anyway and that is why I love it so much”.  Continuing to face a fear provides courage that affects many other parts of your life.

I am so grateful when Tiffany heard about my fear she said ‘let’s take that on- and I will help you!” This experience has given me the courage to start facing my fears in other areas of my life. I remind myself that fear is there to make us aware- not stop us!

So- the SPIDERS-we notice you haven’t mentioned the spiders. It still surprises me when an opportunity to conquer a fear knocks right on my door and that is exactly what happened last month. Another member of the climbing group and a friend that is always teaching me new things , Kim, is a naturalist.  Kim asked me to volunteer at an event for children called “Insects of the Night”. I was a high school teacher for two years so I thought, little kids sure -I’m your girl-sign me up.  I did not realize what was actually happening was that I was about to be offered the opportunity to make some serious progress on the spider fear. I walked in to find out I was assisting with the spiders and scorpions exhibit! Insects of the Night-I was thinking lightening bugs, fireflies, but no- I was in charge of Rosie the Tarantula. I realized  the children that wanted to look at Rosie were going to follow my lead so I breathed deeply and allowed the teacher I was assisting to put Rosie in my hand. I picked this huge hairy spider up, realized she was actually very pretty, and said to the small child standing in front of me “ do you want to hold the Tarantula”? I was amazed that none of the children said no-they all said yes. I told one little girl “you are very brave” as she held out her hands to hold Rosie and she looked at me and said “ actually I feel really scared-my stomach is all fluttery”. I was so impressed with this 6 year old and her honesty so I told her “ that is why you are brave, you are scared but it is not stopping you”. It took  me 55 years to find the courage to do what this 6 year old girl did! She is going to be a force that changes the world.

I invite you to go back  to the fears you wrote down and examine them in a new light. What opportunity is that fear offering you? You don’t have to start with the biggest or most challenging fear-the very first step may be to tell a trusted friend and ask them to support your intention for growth. Conquering fear is a process.  I have some fears that are still so powerful that I have not even been able to put it into words on paper yet. Writing something down has power and helps me see things more rationally.  Ask what this fear is triggering inside you- is this fear a warning that helps you come up with a plan to stay safe or is it taking control and preventing you from growing and thriving? We will all have more confidence and live richer lives if we can follow the example of the six year old girl with the ” fluttery stomach” and be honest when we are afraid but try it anyway. Say yes to your life- not to your fears.

©  Michelle Campanis 2015